End of this blog? Maybe...

Duncan came home today! Since we're no longer "dads to be" it might be the end of this blog. Send me an email if you'd like a link to our future webpages with photos and updates on the happy family...

BIRTH!

We have a little boy!
Born 5:39pm on Tuesday, Sept 5
More details later...

Match Meeting went well

Our match meeting on Thursday went well.... about 4 hours of paperwork and discussion about how we all feel about this match, what Birthmother wants to happen at the hospital, and how we agree to stay in touch after the birth. Birthmother was comfortable with us being in the delivery room (wow!), naming the child for the original birth certificate, and being primary caregivers at the hospital! So our jobs will be cut out for us from the beginning.

With the match meeting complete, it's all as official as it can be until the birth, so now we just wait...

Her c-section is currently scheduled for Sept 19, so if it goes according to plan we will get up there the day before to take part in the whole experience. But if she goes into labor early (a distinct possibility given her condition and history) then they'll do an emergency c-section and we'll just have to get our butts up there as quickly as possible. But since she's more than 300 miles away, we'd probably miss the birth in that case, which would be a bummer.

This-n-that

More updates:
Here's a pic of the 'nursery', although we aren't going bonkers with a full coordinated crib set or matching wall decor. Just a bright green room for now, with light-colored furniture, most of which (other than the crib) we already owned. Can anyone say IKEA?

The birthmother called yesterday after her weekly doctor appointment. They've scheduled a C-section for September 19 and told her to be careful about walking too much (i.e. going into labor early and requiring an emergency C-section). That date works well for us, so we're just hoping it'll stay to a schedule (even if they move the date) so we can make the 6-hour drive to be there for the delivery!

Birthmother is coming down to the Bay Area today for our formal match meeting tomorrow at the adoption agency. We're looking forward to seeing her again and getting a little more acquainted. At the match meeting we'll discuss a few more formal details and all sign our names to the agreement, which makes it all a little more official (but still not legally binding). Then we can probably rest our minds for a few weeks before the action begins.

Final preparations and Match Meeting

Well, we visited Target and Babies R Us this past week to study the baby merchandise... didn't buy much (don't want to jinx things) but at least we know were to find what we'll need when we need it!

We painted the baby's room over the weekend... after buying quarts of 3 different colors (all different shades of green) and settling on a 4th one, I did a quick 'roller job' on the main walls Saturday morning and we decided we didn't like that one either! So we went back to "Green #3" which is a very rich and deep green. Possibly the greenest a room could be. :)

Our match meeting is this Thursday at 10am and is expected to last a few hours. The adoption counselor meets with the birthmother individually, then with us, then all of us together, then again individually to make sure we're all OK with things. We'll be discussing options and making a plan for how things will take place at the hospital, and how things will take place AFTER the hospital (i.e. contacts and visits during the first year and beyond).

After Thursday, the next step is just to wait for the birth!

A mad frenzy

We're trying not to do TOO much (since nothing is certain 'til we get the baby home) but we're scrambling to get a few things ready for possibly having a baby at home in the next month. We're moving furniture around to get the baby's room ready; and also setting up a new guest room in a room downstairs we previously used for storage and a "gym". We will not be going overboard decorating a nursery, but we are going to paint the walls green before we set up the crib.

Last night we had dinner with our friends Brian and Melinda, who succeeded in getting us to take home their baby swing (a.k.a. "The Neglect-o-matic") and a big bag of baby bottles they either hadn't used or didn't need anymore. We've gotten advice to register on some baby-related websites (so we'll start receiving lots of coupons and free samples in the mail). We're starting to feel like our lives are REALLY going to be changing...

We expect to have a date for our match meeting next week... that's where we'll go over the final details about what will happen at the hospital and afterward.

More later...

Looks like a match

Our heads are still spinning, but it looks like we may have a match!

We got a call from a nice young woman in northern California on August 1. She said she had picked us to parent her child! She had received a huge stack of birthparent letters from our agency, and she narrowed the list and finally chose us. She seemed very nice and seemed very resolute in her decision.

After a few more phone calls with her and with our agency, we decided to drive up to Eureka this weekend to meet her over dinner. The meeting was nice, very comfortable, and we feel good about this!

Assuming all goes well, we could have a baby by the end of September! Next step is a formal 'match meeting' with Rebecca at the agency office where we agree on the details of the birth, hospital experience, and ongoing contact. Then we just wait 'til delivery!

In the meantime, we're starting to scramble to get the house ready. Painting the baby's room, bought a crib, ordered a car seat, and starting a list of the 'must haves' that we should probably buy before the baby is born. We're keeping it simple, not getting anything more than essentials just in case anything goes wrong.

Keep us in your thoughts...

Think good thoughts for us

Our phone rings or we get an email once every week or two (or three)... one was another likely scam, one that perhaps wasn't a scam but still seemed kinda messy (and far away), and most recently one from here in California that seems promising. We share no details 'til we get more info and further down the road... but keep your fingers crossed for us, we might have some news sometime soon.

More activity

Well, things are staying exciting although it can also be a bit frustrating. We were contacted by a really nice couple in southern California a couple weeks ago... they told us we were in their "top 3" but they ended up moving forward with another couple. We had another contact a few days ago, but we're not sure if that will pan out.
No worries... the bottom line is, we're getting contacts, and we're confident that one of them will eventually be fruitful.

Our Phone is Ringing...

Things are starting to get exciting! We had a call last weekend from a couple in Ohio... they said they'd picked us out of a big stack of birthparent letters. They seemed pretty nice and very confident in their decision, but without me going into specifics here, there were just a few things a little odd about them. We contacted our adoption agency Monday morning and found out this couple had been contacting several couples over the weekend and were asking them all for money. So bottom line, these two were basically scammers. It was a little disappointing but also a relief given the bit of awkwardness we felt. To look on the bright side, we figured it was a good practice for the next time our phone rang.

Now, just a few days later, we got an email from a couple in southern California who seem very nice, and they even included little descriptions and pictures of themselves! They haven't made up their minds yet but we're on their short list of couples to consider. We'll be talking more with them over the next few days. Stay tuned!

Final Birthparent Letter (a.k.a. Our Brochure)

The version we previewed earlier (see below) has changed, so here's an image of what our final birthparent letter looks like, front and back. You can click on the image to see it bigger, or download the PDF version by clicking here.
Feel free to share it with friends and help us pass on the word that two good guys want to be parents!

Preparation is done

It took a little longer than we expected, but we're done with all the paperwork and preparation!

Our forms, background checks, home study, etc. are all approved and finished. Our birthparent letter (a.k.a. 'our brochure') was all finalized and approved after making some changes to the photos (we had too many posed pictures and not enough 'action shots'). We took it to Staples office center, made 150 copies on nice heavy card stock, taped 4x6 photos to the front of them all, signed them all, and sent them back to our adoption agency for distribution.

Now we can also get the word out to everyone we know. Our website has pretty much the same content as our birthparent letter. Our website is www.calvinandshannon.com. And if you click HERE you can download a PDF copy of our birthparent letter.

Home Study visit

Yesterday we had our home study visit... where a social worker comes to check out our home, interview us about our goals and intentions as parents, our background, etc. Our social worker, Gail, was very warm and reassuring. I wasn't nervous about this visit, I was more excited since it's practically our last step in the preparations before we start our wait for a match. But Gail's visit was even more pleasant and easy than I'd expected. We gave her a tour of the house, talked about a few things we should be mindful of when we have a baby, then chatted some more about our backgrounds and the preparations we've made for starting a family. And that was it!

In the next few days, Gail completes her 'write-up' and shares it with us to make sure she didn't get anything wrong, then it goes in our file and we're essentially done with the preparation!

Our birthparent letter (a.k.a. "our brochure") is nearly finished; it's a 2-sided color document and the picture at right is the front side in progress. As soon as we make a few finishing touches, we'll be taking it off to Kinko's to make lots of copies, then spend a day gluing our "lead photo" to the front, then ship all of them off to the adoption agency, and the waiting game begins.

We'll also put all the content of this birthparent letter, along with additional pictures, online at a new website very soon. Check back for that around the first of April!

Parental pre-test accomplished

We had a great time having my brother and his family visit over the past several days. Shawn & Jennifer left for 2 days to have their own time away and left the kids with us... and I think we all had a great time, and we survived!

Here's a pic of us with the niece and nephew above the Golden Gate Bridge. It was pretty cold out there, but the skies and scenery were beautiful. (Click the pic to see it bigger.)

Paperwork complete!

After almost 2 months of thinking about it, then doing a little, then thinking some more, then doing a little more, we finally finished all our paperwork this weekend. It's all submitted to the adoption agency now, so the next step is scheduling our "home study" where a social worker will come visit us at home to interview us individually and together, also check out our home to ensure that it's a fit place to raise a child.

We have no reason to worry about the home study... there's nothing that would deem us as unfit parents or anything! They just have to make sure that we don't have guns laying around, that we don't have poisons like cleaning solutions spilling all over the floor, things like that.

In the meantime, we're also awaiting feedback from our adoption coordinator on the first draft of our birthparent letter, which I call our "brochure." I think we've got the text part pretty well nailed down. We're still trying to select our best photos, and we'll probably try to take a few more good pics of ourselves this weekend when my brother visits. He's a pretty good photographer, and he's bringing his children for us to also pose with! :)

At this rate, we'll probably be all cleared and 'on the market' by mid-March.

Babies, babies everywhere

I guess it's just a function of our age and lifestage, but it seems like everyone around us either has a new baby or is expecting one in 2006. (That is, every STRAIGHT couple around us... but we're working on getting some gay parents in our circle.)
Calvin and I are babysitting our friends' little girl Kylie in a couple weeks while they go enjoy Cirque du Soleil in San Jose. You can see Kylie at adventuresofkylie.blogspot.com.

Happy New Year

We spent New Year's Eve at home... invited a few friends over, although from the spread of food we set out, it looked like we expected an army! After a couple hours of eating and chatting, we gathered 'round the dining room table for a game of "Wise and Otherwise," then a round of "Quiddler" which everyone seems to enjoy.

Update on the adoption paperwork...
- Fingerprints are done
- I got my health forms all filled out (I had a full physical last summer so that was easy); Calvin is scheduling his physical exam
- Reference letters/forms sent to our friends
- Employment verifications done
- Misc other acknowlegements, waivers, etc.

The most daunting remaining tasks are the autobiography and home profile questionnaire, which ask a lot of questions about our childhood, adolescence, adulthood; what we learned and experienced with our parents; how we plan to discipline children; etc. It's a lot of stuff to think about and then try to write in an elegant fashion. Finally, we have to take some good new pictures of ourselves, create our birthparent letter (which I'm calling "the brochure") and get that printed on paper and on the web. We'll have a link to that as soon as it's up for the whole world to see.

It's going to be an exciting year! We're working on a couple of trips in the meantime to enjoy our final days as a carefree couple. In Feburary, we'll probably spend a few days in Florida; I've got a day-long meeting in Miami, but then we'll probably drive up to Orlando and spend a few days playing there. Later in the spring we're thinking of another weeklong trip; can't decide when or where yet, but leading contenders are New York & Boston, England & Spain, or Japan.

What's in Our Stockings? Paperwork!

We're up to our ears in paperwork, as we've now formally begun the adoption process. We kicked it off with our adoption coordinator, Ellen, by signing a contract and getting the rundown of what has to happen in the next 2 months for us to get into the pool of prospective adoptive parents.

We've got loads of paperwork to do, everything from simple employment verifications to long essays answering questions such as "How would you describe your childhood?", "What parental expectations and messages did you get?" and "How do you plan to discipline your children?"

In addition to the paperwork, we have to get fingerprinted, get physical exams, and then wrap up with a home study done by a social worker who will come and make sure home isn't dangerous for children.

I'm not too stressed about it all... I keep telling Calvin and myself that we aren't going for an "A+" here, it's just a "pass/fail" evaluation, and there's no reason why we shouldn't pass. It just takes some time and effort.

It really puts parenthood into perspective... and makes me think how easy it is for most people to become parents. I don't mind doing all this extra work, but for a straight couple who are unable to have kids the "easy way," I suppose it might get a little offensive. For us, I just see it as our chosen path to parenthood, and it's a path I couldn't even imagine 10 years ago. So I'm tremendously excited and optimistic that our lives are going to become a whole lot richer in the coming year.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

We're expecting...

... expecting to become parents in the next year or two! After years of talking about it, after years of getting things in order, after settling into a home, we're ready to be take the big step and become parents.

We had been considering international adoption (primarily getting a girl from China), but we later learned that very few countries will adopt to unmarried men. (There is NO country that allows international adoption to gay men or lesbians, but lesbians just lie about it and say they're single.)

After learning more about domestic adoption, we're comfortable moving forward with it. Most domestic adoptions (of infants) are done in an 'open' manner these days, which means we would be chosen by a birth mother to become the adoptive parents of her child. We would agree to have limited but ongoing contact with the mother after the child was born. The mother gives up her rights as a parent, but she isn't removed from the child's life. There are risks involved, but it seems like a very healthy and positive way to handle such an important and emotional thing.

We start the paperwork, home study, etc. in December and should be "ready and waiting" by March 2006. After that, the timing is anyone's guess... I'll update this blog as soon as we start the process. It will be an emotional but wonderful time for us.